anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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