I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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