I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
