i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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