I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Mom said you looked used
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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