if only i could text you this smell
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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