Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
