3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
