Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
