you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
