that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
