I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
