Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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