What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
