How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
