Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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