You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
