your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
