my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
