do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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