fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
