So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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