I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
