It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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