I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
