We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
