One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize