why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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