Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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