we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
