i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
