dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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