Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
