Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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