Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
