I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
