I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
