ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
