the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize