so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
