I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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