shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
