look no pants
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
