It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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