I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize