ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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