I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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