everyone is single if you try hard enough
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
