Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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