just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
