You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
