My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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