im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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