I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love having hate sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
