you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
