Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
