Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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