Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
