just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
