She's JV to your varsity
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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