Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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