I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
