sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
