so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
