guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
