don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
