sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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