whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize