If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she told me i tasted like america
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
